Has anyone seen the movie Rockstar? It's probably the best representation of being in a rock band ever. My favorite part is when Mark Wahlberg looks at the guitar player, who is shredding over the vocal part, and Marky Mark unplugs the guitar player's amp, and then they get into a brawl on stage. Thats kind of how I feel all the time, like these other dudes are just playing over my sweet drum parts. Every song, which is really just a drum solo, they stand there singing and playing their stupid instruments, crapping over my sick licks.
This one time, in my old band Static Thought, we were in Europe, it was like -10 Celsius, we were stuck on the side of the road, in the middle of the night, there were wolves howling in the woods, it was snowing and raining, then the lightning came, the singer broke his arm, the engine exploded, it was a fireball, a big giant fireball, and it killed the drummer, then I said fuck it I'm gonna go out in style, so I pulled out my bass and just stood on top of this big fiery mess and fucking rocked out in drop-D, also I'm going to get this tattoo of a couch riding a wave because I like couch surfing. It'll be on my calf, which is always visible, because I always wear shorts. Always. I'm that guy.
I feel there is change upon us. A new dawn of calm and peace. A civilization of tranquility and justice. A world where man can look his fellow brother in the eye and know all is well. Yes folks, that's right, I'm talking about Prop 216, the legislation that will permanently ban all grown men from wearing shorts in public. Together, we can end this chronic illness that has plagued society for so many decades. No longer shall our retinas be branded with the blinding light of pasty thighs. No longer shall our children endure the horrors of exposed male kneecaps. Together, we can end the suffering, one leg at a time.
Once upon a time the Earth was a gigantic ball of hot gas. Later came dinosaurs, the written word and then truckstops. Sometime after that I was a kid staring at a wall in Los Angeles wondering, “Will I ever go anywhere?” Then one day, I did.
Now when people ask me about myself, instead of talking about politics or fountain pens, I say, “I play violin with this band called Diego’s Umbrella.” I also have a Youtube channel called FiddleHed which offers free online violin lessons to people around the world. I also really enjoy eating breakfast, but nobody ever seems to care about that.