Anybody else get super annoyed when their spouse asks them to change the sheets right as they are climbing into bed for the night?
I swear to god it’s like a weekly thing here.
I’ll be Gone in the Dark
I know what I want written on my gravestone.
In big Helvetica font I’d like this:
“That could have gone smoother.”
I know this much is true
Does everybody know that Elvis was a huge football fan? I mean big, like he had mulitiple TVs put in Graceland to watch all the games, started an amatuer league in Memphis, gave up a movie contract because the studio didn’t want him playing....
My favorite picture of Elvis is the one above.
Him throwing a football but look at his non-throwing hand…..he’s shooting a gun. I mean c’mon. Can you get any cooler than that!?
My wife has impeccable teeth. Matter of fact she has impeccable everything, perfect vision, never gets sick, sleeps like a baby, no mental health issues.
The other week she got diarrhea for the first time in her life. I was able to at least dissuade her from a trip to the ER, but within the hour we had doctor appointments and shamanic healers all lined up.
“You probably just ate a bad rhubarb hun, happens to us all.”
“It doesn’t happen to me! I don’t know how you people live like this!”
We got another new dog and she’s terrible.
The Night Of
I’d like to point out one of my favorite character actors out there: Bill Camp. He’s in everything.
Love that dude
Band of Brothers
Curt and I have a long and storied history of flipping each other off.
When I get asked about it I become like Bubba from Forrest Gump, just listing off all the variations of birds….Morning Bird, Finch Bird, Close up Bird, Selfie Bird, Written Bird, Long Distance Bird, Cut out Bird etc.
It’s a real art form.
Friday Night Lights
I think it might be my fourth time through but we are watching it again, this time with (or for) the kid.
This show deserves a spot on the Mt. Rushmore of shows. I laugh out loud and cry almost every episode. We named a dog after a character and might name a few more from it. In addition it's the most realistic portrayal of marriage on TV.
Clear Eyes, Full Hearts….
I will always be into a good con or a good heist movie. Always.
About a year ago I took the protective case off my iphone. I don’t remember why, I think I was just bored, fiddling with it line at a store or in the car. Afterward I slid the sleek and naked phone into my pocket and it felt great. It was like sexy fancy pajamas and I was like Oh damn, this is the way these phones were designed to be used. These things feel awesome!
And then I just kept it off. It was like living on the edge everyday. For the first week or so I was super careful, but now I’m brazen, just walking around with no pants and a loaded gun.
“I’d rather adjust to your absence than be annoyed by your presence.”
Heard this little gem on a podcast and I’ve been trying to plant it as a belief in my wife's brain for when I want to get out of something social. It's like Inception
Ahhh, it’s upon us. The renaissance of TV. The golden age of series. For this very reason Curt went down to his favorite store and spent the afternoon picking up a giant TV for the house.
As someone who’s bought 87 TVs throughout his life, and since Best Buy is my favorite store, I accompanied him and here’s two bits of wisdom I imparted….
1. Always get the bigger of the options your’re looking at.
2. Find out how to turn off the god awful soap opera effect. It’s called different things, motion blurring, true tone, refresh ratio etc…This is the thing that got introduced with the ultra-advancement of high resolution but then people just accepted it thinking that it’s just what HD looks like. It looks ridiculous. Turn that shit off.
Bandanas are tricky. If you do something cool while wearing one, it becomes really cool. If you do something stupid, it becomes really stupid…and you get a nickname like `gator’.
I’m not sure why, but my days are better when I have a really good show that I’m watching.
It’s not much, only like a 4% increase to happiness, but it helps. It really does. But here’s the thing….
My family has no measure of restraint when it comes to binging shows. When they find something good they are like feral dogs. They tear at it ferociously and it's gone before they even knew what was happening.
My wife’s motto on this is “you might die tomorrow” so she will just burn through shows with reckless abandon. She’ll come home from a trip and be like: “Oh yah, sorry, my mom and I watched like 6 seasons of that...... so, um yah...... we’re gonna need to fall asleep to TaxiCab Bingo tonite.”
I like to savor and take my time with a good show, make popcorn, turn on the big TV. And while I’m making popcorn the wife and kid are likely watching the entire show on their phone, probably while sitting on the can.
Ford V Ferrari
We have an old beat up Hyundai Sonata, I feel like it's from 1986 but realistically its 2006. It's got a glorified lawn mower engine in it, has trouble getting up hills, maybe can hit 65 with a tailwind. It's kinda been our 'commuter' car but the wife refuses to drive it anymore.
Its paint is peeling, one door has trouble opening, it's got a tape deck and this funny little spoiler on the trunk. For that little reason I dubbed it The Thunderbird and that's what we've called it for years.
I cherish the fact that the kid, hopefully for the rest of her life, will have a very different image in her head whenever people talk about a Thunderbird.
The Invisible Man
I haven't actually seen this movie. I figured that'd be the appropriate review, right?
For the record I actually wanted to see Invisible Man, but we are refusing to buy/rent any more movies right now because we've been burned like 7 times by paying for a movie and then a week later if comes to Disney+ or Netflix for free.
This is exactly what happened with Uncut Gems.
Here's the deal with Uncut Gems...you will not feel good watching this movie, it is 2 hours of anxiety and tension and at the end I needed a cigarette. That being said, outside of the TERRIBLE soundscape, it's actually an interesting piece. I don't think I can actually recommend it, but I also can't say I didn't like it.
I've officially adopted a theater etiquette standard for my family and our movie viewing habits. I'm sorry but I was pushed to the edge and this is what needed to happen.
So now we have:
Show times. And you're god damn right we start on time.
No cell phones allowed unless contractually negotiated previous to this particular showing
Be quiet. I will shush people who fail to heed the quiet rule.
This all falls under Social Graces 101 as well. If you sit down to watch a movie with people, have some manners. Do you understand that being on your phone is a distraction to others in the room? And If you don’t know who killed the guy, it probably means I don’t either, shhhh.
Ugh, I get all worked up over this.
The Vast of Night
I heard an ad for some drug and during the mentions of side effects (always my favorite) one of them was "unusual dreams".
All I have are unusual dreams.
I mean isn't that, like, what dreams are? Your brain basically telling your body: "Ok, you rest, I’m gonna get fucking weird.”
Just read this tweet:
"America's gotta be the only country that when you see someone wearing the flag your first thought is ‘They're probably racist as fuck’."
Murder among the Mormons
Best Mexican food we’ve ever had is a food cart in Salt Lake City. We’d go there every time we came through town, at all hours.
If you want good Mexican, you gotta go to SLC.